You know those days when you just get overwhelmed with a million different emotions all at once? ...And its about everything. Every little thing. The slightest glance at a certain name in your contacts, bringing back old memories. Thoughts of the future. My chaotic love life. Songs.....making me feel things i don't wanna feel. Too many emotions! WHERE'S THE OFF SWITCH?? Is what i keep thinking.
Today is a bit lonely for me, idk why. I just feel like i haven't had a good time in long while where i could just let loose and laugh and not have to keep up an appearance. I hate keeping up appearances. I hate talking when i don't want to talk. Im tired of people thinking they know me when they don't.
The reason i hate emotions is because emotions have to be dealt with, thought through, and figured out. It isn't a pure process for me. Usually there is an action attached at the end. The emotions that have to do with people are the most painful ones. I don't like to think about those. I don't take rejection well. Classic damaged childhood syndrome. ughhh. I hate feeling like a pathetic bag of damaged goods all the time. And i hate the countless pep talks i have to give myself. Im running out of things to say. They are just words anyway.
Whenever i feel this way, i have to give myself emotional surgery. I have to reconstruct the way i look at things and adjust my life and my processes. I try to trick myself into thinking positively. Sometimes it doesn't work...not gunna lie. Sometimes the most simple and stupid thing patches me right up. Ridiculousness.
Humans are a weak species.
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